Parenting is the hardest job in the world. I was painfully reminded of this after my wife recently confronted me about how much I was blowing it with our fifteen-year-old, 6’0”, 160 pound sophomore. She reminded me of some basic principles that should guide our parenting and the way we relate to our children. While I know these principles in theory, I sometimes forget to apply them in the heat of a moment. I share these with you today as a fellow flawed parent trying to do the best he can to raise godly kids.

Be the parent, NOT the child. A child’s emotions are volatile (especially if they are going through puberty!), tossing to and fro like waves depending on their circumstances. As parents, our goal should be solidity, dependability, like rocks that the waves crash against but don’t move. When we respond to our children’s anger with more anger, or their moodiness with more moodiness, this makes the situation worse and sets an ungodly example for our children to follow. When we respond in kind, it’s like there are two children involved in a dispute rather than a mature adult dealing with an immature child. A mature parent avoids taking personal offense (especially over small and ultimately insignificant things) and is able to rise above these petty differences. It is important to earn the respect of our children, not act like petty children ourselves.

Speak the truth to our kids and deal with situations with love and patience. If we can’t do that, it’s better to walk away (without sighs and angry gestures) and wait until we can address the situation maturely. We shouldn’t allow our emotions to get the better of us.

Remember the Relationship. The relationship we have with our kids (especially as they get older) is the most important thing. Keep what really matters in perspective and don’t sweat the stuff that doesn’t. We must be the kind of parents our children will actually want to have a relationship with. When kids feel like we don’t treat them with respect and consideration, the relationship is damaged. When we routinely behave in ways that do not earn our children’s respect, the relationship is damaged and they won’t take us seriously or follow our advice.

Let them be who they are in areas that don’t involve their character. As they get older, we become more like advisors than dictators. This means we must allow for differences of opinion and taste (music, clothes, hairstyles, etc.) without making these differences personal. When differences arise, we should be careful not to make our kids feel unaccepted or judged. This becomes more and more prominent as kids get older.

Be Quick to Repent. When we fail to follow any of these laws, we should be quick to make it right. As parents, we will inevitably mess up and blow it from time to time, so we must be quick to model humility and repentance. This will go a long way in restoring relationships and setting a godly example for our children as they see that we aren’t perfect but we know how to say we are sorry.

Parenting, like marriage, is a means of grace. God uses our children to shape and mold us and grow us into the kind of people he intends us to be. We must not remain as we are. God is growing us as we grow our kids.

Know any other laws of good parenting?  Got a tip that might help others?  Leave a comment in the comment box below.